I'll top up the oil in 30 seconds

Yesterday's near disaster. The Provisional Princess drives my car more than I. So when she was asleep on Christmas Eve, ie before the crack of noon, I borrowed my own car to do some Chrissy shopping. The noise from the tappets was frightening so I made a mental note to add some more engine oil ASAP.

Zip to Christmas day and I am downstairs in my suit and tie topping up the oil before heading off to lunch. I prepare everything just nicely so I don't spill a drop of oil on my lovely powerful, if leaking, 1.8L Hyundai motor... or myself. The filler cap removed and general area wiped clean, the funnel is wrapped in a oil cloth to guard against drips, the bottle of oil ready to one side, dipstick checked and clean, my tie tucked into my shirt and a spare oily rag ready to catch drips from the oil bottle. I open the screw cap of the oil bottle I notice, just in time, that the seal on the bottle looks wrong, the colour isn't right. My hand freezes above the funnel.
It's 30 seconds. An acid wash that one normally uses to clean paving... I can only imagine the effect pouring eve...n just a smidgen of acid into my motor. Perhaps it would have corroded, beyond repair, the insides of the delicate machine... or perhaps simply exploded and let me off lightly.