Dateline: 12th May 2006
I’ve had a slippery disc for about five-six years.In January I lifted a bag that was too heavy which set it off, a few days later I did some snorkeling (involving a rip) when I twisted the wrong way, so the only thing to do was come back from holidays and jump off a garden wall, and garden walls around my place are not your average garden variety garden walls. Unfortunately I was not wearing my cape. It was at the cleaners.After ignoring it for a month, after realising it’s not going away after another two weeks or so, after booking myself into a chiropractor & x-rays, after seeing him three times a week for 3 weeks and twice a week for two weeks, after coming to the conclusion that it’s actually not getting better I decide to see my GP, then go to a radiologist for a MRI; after all of that; I’ve finally seen a neurologist who said I need an operation.So SWMBO, the personal injury lawyer, who knows all about back injuries (and everything else), wanted me to get a second opinion.“This is my body, my temple, did I go off at you when you were pregnant? It’s your womb, this is my back.”“I know it’s your body, but it’s OUR problem if something goes wrong” She had me there, after all, the pregnancy became OUR problem shortly after the screaming and pushing ended.“But I fully understand what’s wrong and what will fix it. I’ve even looked it up on the Internet!”“Oh, and the Internet knows what’s wrong with you?” Please, dear reader, visualise the "raised eyebrow of stupidity" and the "tapping foot of impatience".So I said to her; “Fine. Get me another appointment and make me wait weeks in pain” The reverse phycology (sp) laced with a guilt ultimatum didn’t work. SWMBO is a lawyer after all, and from 17 years of marriage you’d think I’d learn?“No problem, I know a guy I use for work”She would.She rings up and has an appointment at 8:30 the next morning with a Neurologist who is so busy he makes appointments MONTHS in advance. He sees me before his daily schedule starts. I am starting to think SWMBO has a life I which I know little.So I saw the second neurologist (just yesterday) who said the exact same thing.$210 for 20 minutes for an opinion that I already had. Arrggghhh!The first guy was only $150 for 30 minutes.The GP was $60 for 15 minutes.The radiologist who did the MRI charged $200 for 30 minutes The Chiropractor reaped it home at $45 for 10 minutes manipulation. I am in the wrong job.I have a badly herniated L4/5 disc. Think of a donut. Pineapple is fine, though I prefer ones with pink icing. The ring of the donut is made from rubber band type fibers and the centre is filled with something akin to silicon (or jam if you like the donut metaphor). The compression on my spine caused the silicon stuff (jam) to burst through the ring and extrude into the area that normally houses my spinal cord. Think of a toothpaste tube being squeezed, just to mix the metaphor. The jam is compressing the right L5 nerve which runs down the outside of my right leg via deep inside my pelvis. If I had a pen I could draw on my skin exactly where the nerve goes until it reaches my small toe just by the pain alone. I could be a walking nerve anatomy mannequin. I’ll change $45 for ten minutes,The pain is constantly bad, with high points so intolerable that I yelp. If you’ve ever tried to walk on a sprained ankle then you can understand the intensity of the pain. Except it is the whole of my leg and groin not just the ankle. It wasn’t this bad at first, but it’s been getting worse each week. And accelerating. I am noticeably worse today than two days ago. Panadine Forte has little effect & the combination of aspirin, anti-inflammatory pills and an empty stomach have caused “internal” bleeding on more than one occasion. I tell you, it scared the crap out of me in the crapper.I can’t sit, lie, walk or, stand in one position for more than a few minutes. Sitting is best; I can do that for about 5-10 minutes, but after getting up I can only walk for two metres before searing pain makes me wince.People on the train to work have moved seats; others just shuffle across and stare.The surgeon has been able to fit me into his schedule so I can be relieved of this ASAP. He operates on Friday next week (19th)The procedure (microdiscectomy) is to make an incision in my back about 1 to 2cm long, move ligaments around, wiggle a tube into place to localise the works. He may need to remove bone to access the offending area, then slice the jam off & remove it, clean up the area a bit then pull the tube out allowing the nerve to expand back to it’s former self.The SAN (hospital) is using equipment brought in for the operation as a trial (he performs this surgery elsewhere) and they have offered to do this free of charge. It’s new stuff involving a microscope with regular lens or whatever plus a real-time scan of some sort showing a different angle so the surgeon can see what he’s doing from multiple angles. I have no real idea what he was talking about so I might have it wrong; my eyes had glazed over at about the “incision” bit.It’s a “day operation” although I will be staying over-night. I hope they don’t expect me to eat the stuff passed off as food there.He expects I will walk pain-free from the hospital (pain-free except for the incision and hip pocket nerve) however I am to rest for a minimum of two weeks (more like a confinement to avoid a fall etc) and be back at work shortly after wards. Not so long ago the procedure meant a four day stay in hospital and slower post op recovery. This is why the hospital is interested in the new procedure.Still, after private health & Medicare refunds the operation will cost me about $4800 or so, not including another $1500 for doctors/chiropractor/radiologist fees plus I had to pass on my night work to a colleague that was worth between $13000.00 to $16000.00. (I come home from my day job as a wreck due to the pain of being active all day and my customer couldn’t wait any longer)Anyway, it’s been five months and hopefully it will be all over in a week or so.No. Not that sort of “all over”. Mind you, if things don’t work out then can you see to it that SWMBO gives me a proper burial? None of this “just quietly” stuff.
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